I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
