I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
