He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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