No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
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