her vagine was all disorganized.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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