so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
