Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
