i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
