hell yes lets make some ravioli
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
