Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
