I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
