So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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