you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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