Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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