It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
