Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
