we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
