Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Randomize
