im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize