she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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