i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Randomize
