after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
