were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize