I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
