Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
worst night to have a conscience
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
