He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize