that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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