I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
