my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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