I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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