remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Randomize
