Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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