Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
