woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
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