Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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