So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
