A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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