if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
