i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Randomize
