I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
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