dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
