Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
