I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
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