Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
