Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
