That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
And then the night went full on bisexual.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize