I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
