I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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