Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
