I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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