You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
