Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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