Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
