I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
my shit smells like andre
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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