Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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