I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
