dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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