im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
how drunk are you?
Several
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
