highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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