I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
