I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
