Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i just google imaged poop.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
