I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
