i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
