Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
