My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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