It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
