I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
