Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
